Sincerely,
Professional Rationalist
10. Sal Alosi
Jets strength and conditioning coach stuck a knee out to slow down a Dolphins gunner during last week’s game. Being suspended the rest of the season and fined $25,000 for his actions was not enough.
He had to be pissed on this week.
9. Coupon Restrictions
Whether it be it be a “Buy One Get One Free” at Wendy’s or a 20% off sale at Macy’s, we all have experienced the embarrassment of trying to purchase something with a coupon only to find out that everything worth purchasing is excluded.
I’m pissing on coupons for making me take the time to cut along the perforated lines and not giving me a deal as promised
8. Brooks Brothers
So I’m at Brooks Brothers trying on a sweater that I wanted to purchase and a sales associate intentionally walked into the dressing room as I was changing to see if I was stealing anything.
My morals forced me to leave the sweater in the store and leave Brooks Brothers with a dosage of urine this week.
7. Bellagio Burglar
I’m not pissing on the thief for robbing the Vegas casino of $1.5 million. I’m pissing on him for stealing $1.5 million in casino chips. What in the hell are you going to do with casino chips you moron!!
6. Young Chris
Former Roc-a-fella artist Young Chris had an event sponsored by Heineken in Philadelphia this week where he performed his new song “Break a B*tch Down.” Then he introduced the crowd to his mother…Pissed On
5. Don King
The famed boxing promoter was caught in Cleveland’s airport with ammunition in his luggage.
He gets the business for hiding it in his luggage as opposed to his fro.
4. Amtrak
In an era where attention to National Security is at an all-time high, Amtrak has taken the liberty to allow passengers to travel by train with guns.
They get the business for not realizing that they are riding on a slippery rail.
3. Cheap Alcohol
Come on guys, we are all adults. Cheap liquor was cool when we were 18 and didn’t know any better. But as we become older and wiser, allowing our taste buds to suffer the wrath of Steel Reserves or Bankers Club vodka is a piss-worthy offense.
2. Memphis Bleek
Memphis Bleek has been the right-hand man of Jay-Z since day one. And since day one no one has seen a picture of him without a hat or a doo-rag on his head. I, the Professional Rationalist, am offering a reward to the first reader that posts a link to a pic of him without headgear in the comment section for this week’s segment.
In the mean time, he’s just going to have to get pissed on.
1. Un-Beweavable
Warning Ladies!! Weaves are extremely flammable. If you let your store-brought locks get too close to the flames like this chick, you too will be pissed on.
