Sincerely,
Professional Rationalist
10. New Year’s Resolutions
If you have to wait until January 1st to start experiencing discipline with junk food or to stay in touch with friends then there is a serious problem. My 2011 New Year’s Resolution is to continue to piss on such idiotic habits.
9. Jordan
Brand Jordan has just undergone another terrible experiment. The prestigious sneaker brand has released a mix of Jordan VI, XVII, and XXIII. These shoes look like crap.
Team Jordan receives the business for thinking you have to combine everything.
8. Trick Daddy
After years of the scruffy beard it looks like Trick Daddy has finally decided to grow up. He gets the business for waiting until turning 37 to realize that he should invest in a pair of clippers.
7. LeBron James
I swear I’m not picking on LeBron, he’s just always engaging in piss-worthy activities. This time he stated that he does not like playing on Christmas day.
He gets the business for thinking that NBA players are the only ones that work on holidays.
6. Ralph Lauren
I like shawl collar sweaters as much as the next man, but Polo Ralph Lauren took it too far with the jacket. R.L. gets the business for thinking that this jacket is going to be easy to take off.
5. Samsung
Seriosuly? Samsung has launched a new “flip phone” called the Rugby II. They get the business for thinking that anyone is going to pay $180 for a flip phone in 2010. What’s next..Playstation 3 will have Atari joysticks??
4. Spokeo
Go to spokeo.com and type in your name, e-mail address, or phone number and it will literally show EVERYTHING about you including a picture of your house and average income.
I’m pissing on Spokeo for disclosing information that everyone isn’t supposed to know.
3. Ed Rendell
Pennsylvania’s Governor was actually upset that the Eagles game was postponed until Tuesday due to the snow. I’m not going to piss on him for thinking that football should be played under all weather conditions. He towed the line, showing that he wasn’t concerned with the safety of fans traveling to the game.
He not only crossed the line, but pissed on it when he argued with well known meteorologist John Bolaris about how much snow had fallen.
2. NYC Sanitation Worker
I heard that New Yorkers didn’t have manners, but this one tops them all. Watch as this tow truck mangles an innocent Ford Explorer. Allow me to make the snow yellow for the driver of the tow truck.
1. “Is It Cold Out?”
Just about every day between the months of November and February someone asks me if it is cold outside. Hellooo!! It’s the winter time. It’s going to be cold everyday.
Anyone who doesn’t realize that needs to be pissed on.
